Keeping Up

Apartment

I signed a lease on an apartment today. A teeny, tiny apartment. For me. And Miss Else, sometimes.

Feeling a bit like I need to quickly get in as much Ballard time as I can. But, excited for a new neighborhood. A's neighborhood. I will be able to walk to work, to SU for teaching, to downtown, and to all of Capitol Hill.

For Papa

Me with former Jayhawks, Mark Olson and Gary Louris.

One From Griffin

' The desire to know and to be known is strong in all of us. '
- Susan Griffin, A Chorus of Stones

Taught

This morning I felt more productive and useful than I have felt in quite some time. I taught my first session of Statistics in the Health Sciences to undergraduates students. And I enjoyed it a lot. The three hour class period seemed to pass far too quickly. I was nervous, but my usual uneasiness standing in front of a room of sixty people faded quickly. Replaced with confidence and comfort. Inspired, I am sure, by the awareness that, amongst those in attendance, I was the expert. Though the students certainly did not elect to take the course, they expected to learn from me. And I feel sure that I can teach them.

Though a large class, they seemed comfortable asking questions and answering questions. Some quickly grabbed concepts, and helped to work with those who had a more difficult time. Many actively participated without coercing. Small group discussions were really about the material, not early quarter gossip.

I am looking forward to the next nine weeks. Feeling like I really can do this. I really might teach them something they will use in life. Maybe.

Not Twenty-Five

Though I am quite aware of myself as I grow older, I do not think I notice how I have aged, in general. I have been surrounded by people who have aged with me. Without a reference, it is hard to see how Old I have become.

A car ride home from Wednesday Lecture with three Twenty-Five-ish aged boys is quite a reference. Banter and chatter. Talk of friends. Work. School. Remember When. Giggles at the comment, 'She gets around these days'. Though amused and engaged, I must admit, I felt Old.

And I think back to when I was Twenty-Five. Feeling grown-up. Knowing who I was. Where I was going. Who I was with. Confidence. And yet, so Young.

Sometimes, I feel silly and giggly. Like Twenty-Five. But increasingly, less. Perhaps carpools with young'uns will the inspire the Twenty-Five in me.

Exhausted by Rain

So horribly tired of the rain. Ready for flip flops and sunshine.

Offered

Last night J and I received an offer on our condo.

The prospect raised emotions in us both. A reminder of why the condo is for sale in this less than ideal market. A step further away from each other. One less thing shared between us.

Sadness, for me. In the idea of packing up my belongings and moving out of the place that has been my home for more than four years. Belongings. A perhaps inappropriate term, here. For since J moved his things out of the condo and with the listing of our home on the market, I have not felt a sense of belonging in the house. The neatly arranged shelves. And clean bathroom. Made bed. And lack of Miss Else. Perhaps my things belong in the condo but I, recently, do not.

So, I suppose. Despite my stomach's unsettled feeling with the idea of leaving, I am aware that it is time. Perhaps this is the offer we will accept. And the process will be set into motion immediately. Perhaps this is not the right offer and it will be a bit more time, but still, the time will come soon. And I am trying to be ready for it.

Trying to imagine the next place I will call home.