Keeping Up

Graduation Summit

Our final climb for Boeapls Basic Climbing Class was a successful summit of Little Tahoma Peak.

More photos here.

Better

Much better. Ready for class and a fun weekend.

Argh

I have had a couple of really great days.

Mostly due to my ability to take advantage of the wonderful sunny weather, I think. Tuesday involved Thai (from a truck, the best kind) and lake shore dining for lunch. A long walk with Else. A good movie. Wednesday was busy, but productive at work. A study session with my students at SU. A less long walk with Else. Weekend planning with my climbing group. Followed by laughter and beers.

But, blindsided today - not once, but three times - and am struggling to focus tonight. A complete shift in moods. Though I have yet to complete the slides for tomorrow's lecture, I am feeling claustrophobic and confined. Feeling like screaming and running around. Aggressive and anxious.

Wondering if I should just call it a night and wake early in the morning. To a new day.

Argh.

On the Rock

I was looking forward to a long weekend Up North. And, though the experience was quite different in many ways from previous visits to Squamish, the Up North priorities prevailed.

AP kindly allowed me to tag along for a weekend of Rock Climbing with R+R. Though for much of my life, unusual to spend a weekend among people whom I have not known for long periods of time, I am learning the value in taking the time to Learn new people and enjoyed myself more than expected.

Past visits to Squamish were hosted by C and friends. Part of the fun was spending bits of time fixing up the house and hanging out in the backyard. But a whole world exists within the town, beyond the neighborhoods and downtown. A Climber's World. The campground was simple and amazingly well maintained. Obviously a place to sleep and little else. Wake early. Climb. Go to brewery. Sleep. Repeat. An atomosphere in which I admitedly felt completely out of place. Young. Attractive. Confident. And totally cool.

This was my first exposure to this World. And, while more than mildly intimidating, I kind of get it. I figured the weekend would be fun. Hanging out. A bit of climbing. Playing with Miss Else. But, it was really fun.

And I learned a lot. The few times I have been out Rock Climbing I have been on the sidelines. Barely able to tie myself into a borrowed harness. But, with patient teachers, I learned enough to pull a bit of my own weight. I followed R up an eight pitch climb, which was perhaps the most fun part of the weekend. I enjoyed the goal. Climbing somewhere. Beyond sight.

Miss Else was perfectly behaved. Enjoyed the attention of new people. And new places to explore. A bit nervous at first, as we climbed up, out of her reach, she quickly became used to the experience. Each time someone came down off the wall, she went up to greet them with complete enthusiasm.

Though I had an excellent weekend, I am not sure I will ever be confident (or cool) enough to be a real Climber. Which seems to require all kinds of fancy slang words. And the ability to make jokes about Racks and Nuts. But, at least I know I can do the hanging out and climbing thing. And it seems to be good reason to get out of the city and Up North.

[More photos here. AP's photos are here.]

San Francisco

So, it has been four months since I was last on an airplane. And I am feeling antsy.

Solution? A short trip to San Francisco. No reason, other than I have never been there.

I actually know nothing about the city. But, I am excited to plan and to learn.

Three days in June.

Not Ready

I thought maybe I was ready to watch a movie that dealt with relationships more complicated than High School Musical, but I have determined I am not ready. Not today.

Sat through He's Just Not That Into You, which is an admittedly B-class romantic comedy, and found the interactions too difficult to watch. One would not expect such a movie to induce a high level of pensiveness, but in the two hours since the conclusion, I have been unable to convince my brain to stop thinking.

Feeling frustrated. Wishing for a bit of even-keelness for even a moment. Worn out by constant thought. Unsure of how to relax. How to take something at face value. Anything. So exhausted by feeling like everything around me is wrought with meaning. Interpretation. Lessons to be learned. It was a movie, for goodness sake.

This is, I think, part of why I find climbing on Sundays so essential. And fun. Because, for a while, I am focusing on something which is in the moment. Not, How Did I Get Here? Or, Where Am I Going? Or, What The Fuck Have I Done? (Well, actually, all of those questions, but with a much literal interpretation.) I am able to concentrate on walking upwards. Following footsteps. Surrounded by amazing views. Which cloud my thoughts. My head is finally forced to relax. And let my body take over.

Unfortunately, this lack in cognition is filled with all together opposite frustrations. The lack of conscious thought, I fear, has cast me into a role in which I am quite uncomfortable. I feel I have fallen a bit into a flighty and scatterbrained character. Completely incompetent at nearly everything I attempt that requires any amount of contemplation. Certainly enabled by those around me, whom I have discovered will do most anything for me if I smile wide enough. I have become a bit of a spoiled child, actually.

This whole situation has grown slowly. But Sunday, finally hit me with a feeling of irritation. With myself. I am, in general, a fairly competent person. Relatively intelligent and capable. And am frustrated by my inability to solve problems, to think through basic tasks. But, I suppose, spending nearly all of my time wrapped in my own head, the opportunity to allow someone else to think for me is alluring. And so I play the part.

Wondering now, how to find the balance.

Perhaps if I can lessen the load of thought at other times. I try, during the week, to find ways in which to evade the barrage of pondering to which I subject myself. I listen to Miley Cyrus. And Watch Gossip Girl. I read US Magazine. And do crossword puzzles. And I thought maybe I was getting better, at being casual. Chill. And that I was ready. For a movie. But I am not ready. Not today.

Mount Rainier

Sunday we hiked up to the Nisqually Glacier on Mount Rainer in order to practice crevasse rescue.

I hung in here. Upside down.

Saturday

Finally, a relaxing Saturday. I woke up this morning, and realized that I had no idea what I was going to do today. Filled with possibility.

I enjoyed a quiet brunch across the street. Crepes, coffee, and grading papers.

With a blanket in hand, I then walked to Volunteer Park, cell phone and watch free. Expecting a lazy afternoon in the grass and sunshine. I reached the top of the stairs in the park and spotted A. Already lazing in the grass! So fun to run into her, as neighbors. Unexpected. We talked about nothing in particular and easily spent the afternoon doing nothing.

A pretty great day.

One From Kerouac

'  And that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn’t know who I was.  '
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Shit Show

From the Urban Dictionary:

' A description of an event or situation which is characterized by an ridiculously inordinate amount of frenetic activity. Disorganization and chaos to an absurd degree. Often associated with extreme ineptitude / incompetence and or sudden and unexpected failure.  '

Photos from the last five weekends.

Snoqualmie Mountain. The Brothers. Mount Persis. Leavenworth. And Eagle Peak.

I spend my Sundays laughing all day. Sundays which never seem to go quite according to plan, but somehow are always more fun than expected.

Episode Finished

Okay, so I just finished the episode of Gossip Girl from which I quoted. And had to add one more.

G: Tell Jesus the Bitch is back.

How could this not be a great show? I mean, really?

Gossip Girl

S: I keep trying to figure out what was real. And what wasn't. It doesn't make any sense.

B: Feelings never do. They get you all confused, then they drive you around for hours until they drop you right back to where you started.

Nearly four weeks into my new apartment and I finally have internet. Looking forward to all of the wisdom Blair has to offer as I catch up on my guilty pleasures.