Keeping Up

Today I gave in fully to Fall. I am wearing corduroys and drinking a pumpkin latte.

Somehow, summer seems to have passed right by me. But, I love September (I do realize that it is officially still August, but for all practical purposes it is September). I cherish the inherent feeling of new beginnings that comes with the cooler weather. September means empty notebooks and settling into comfortable routines.

Maybe because of the uncomfortableness of the last six weeks associated with my broken jaw the change in seasons is welcomed a bit more than usual this year. And also, maybe because I feel a lot of hopefulness in possibilities that could accompany the falling leafs.

The weather forecast indicates that the rain is not in fact likely here to stay and I am certain that in a bit I will wish for my summer back, for more time with the sunshine. Certainly, I could use a bit more time on mountains or at the beaches. 

But right now, today, I feel ready for baking and cozy dinners. For rain boots and scarves. Cuddling up with TV marathons, crossword puzzles, and good books. For football and snack food. For fishing, flannel shirts, and puffy vests. Candles and homebrew. Right now, today, I feel ready for September.

Maybe I should do some work.

But, I am looking at this.

And, I am reading this.

And, I am watching this (via Mighty Girl).

And, I am wishing I were in the kitchen making any of these things:

:: Black beans
:: Lima Beans (maybe with some Quinoa?)
:: Beat Salad
:: Avocado Pizza
:: Egg Skillet
:: Smoked Salmon Blinis (Looks fancy, but SO good!)
:: Zucchini Toasts
:: Nectarine and Fennel Salad
:: Quinoa Falafels
:: Veggie le Crunch
:: Eggplant Salad Toasts
:: Honey Balsamic Bean Salad

And, I am dreaming about attending one of these.

And of course, I am looking forward to seeing these guys tonight.

Okay, okay. Enough already. I like music.

AM and I attended Saturday's No Depression Festival.

:: The Maldives (with a surprisingly cute lead singer)

:: Sera Cahoone (wonderful, as always)

:: Alejandro Escovedo (unexpectedly fun)

:: The Cave Singers (better than last time)

:: Lucinda Williams (such a powerful voice)

:: The Swell Season (kind of emotional, the Seattle Times review called them 'a chick flick in band form')

We had a great day. Again, I felt so lucky to be me. We are two for two and I hope it continues each summer.

And, I ate clam chowder.

Friday afternoon I went to Dr. J to have the wires cut off, traded for rubber bands. I was antsy and giddy all morning. 

I walked through The Park, toward downtown. I was going to be able to open my mouth soon. I was practically skipping.

I sat, anticipating and quite without patience, in the reception room. The nurse called me in, took my x-ray, and I waited some more. Dr. J gave the thumbs up and the wires connecting top and bottom teeth were clipped one by one. Once finished, I sat with my jaw still clenched together. I was nervous. He asked me to open, so he could look, and I did so timidly. It felt so weird. I was afraid it would break.

Then. The nurse put on the rubber bands and my mouth was suddenly once again restricted. It felt exactly the same as it had with the wires.

I left the office, so disappointed. So disappointed.

I cried, frustrated to tears for the first time.

All I wanted was something to eat. Not something to drink. Something to eat. I had built so much expectation around the afternoon.

And it seemed a failure. Rather than celebrating, I went home, bummed.

But. I could not just leave it.

I stretched and stretched the rubber bands all afternoon - nervously, at first - until finally I could peek my tongue out and eventually decided to try some scrambled eggs. And oh, boy, they were amazing.

And then spent a great evening with friends, in a beautiful city. By the end of the evening, I'd forgotten how disappointed I had felt just a few hours earlier.

And now I am fully functional in eating soft foods. I made brunch both Saturday [ Pancakes! ] and Sunday [ Eggs with black beans and avocado! ] and the next two weeks will be a breeze.

Whew.

Last night was a rare evening.

I had a very quiet night at home, and it felt so good. Quiet nights at home are not rare, but feeling really comfortable with it does not happen all too often.

Often, I feel guilty doing nothing. Or anxious about things that might be happening without me. Or just sad. Being home alone.

But, last night, I peacefully read. Watched two episodes of Californication. And one episode of True Blood. I didn't check email or update Facebook. I had a chocolate-banana smoothie. I was lazy.

And, it was okay. Great, actually.

Sigh.

I cannot believe it has been one month since my wreck. The whole experience has reminded me how quickly time passes.

When I sat across from Dr. J, as he was telling me about the surgery, he looked at me and said, You look terrified. Don’t worry, it will just be a story you tell from the Summer of Twenty-Ten. And really, he was right. Nothing to worry about. But, it feels bigger than a story. It is more than falling on my bike, more than a titanium plate.

There were a lot of things I thought I would do, thinking I would be cooped up. I could finally transition my old hard drive to my laptop, clean the bathroom from top to bottom, write letters, sew, watch movies, … But, I did not do any of these things. And, I guess, that is okay.

The month has been filled with friends, smoothies, books, and music. I suppose this is how I will remember the last bits of the summer.

I will remember the heat. Sitting in bed with the fan blowing and Miss Else at my feet. Walks through the neighborhood and reading in the backyard. Flurries of text messages. Cards in the mail. Soy lattes and washing dishes. Mad Men and Old School millkshakes. I will always be thankful for tetra packs and peanut butter. For visits with friends. And live music.

I have spent a lot of time considering things that make me happy – and sad. Thinking about being a friend and a daughter. A wife, an ex-wife. A neighbor. I recognize habits – good and bad – that make up my days. And have consciously been trying to find the balance between routine and variation.

I am looking forward to re-joining my soccer team, getting out onto the trails, and riding my bike. Excited for eating out, lazy snacking, and making brunch. But, part of me does not want these last couple weeks to go by too quickly. I kind of want to hold on to this time – when it feels okay to think about myself, when life takes just a little bit more concentration.

As I was digging through email I stumbled upon this photo - and laughed out loud. It kind of makes me want to listen to Phoenix, wake up at four in the morning, and hang out at Linda's. These people kept me going when it all seemed like too much.

What a goofy crew.

[ Team White(Black)out :: May 2009 :: Mount Rainier ]

  

A sunny Seattle weekend.

:: Book club with a sunset, white sangria, and interesting women

:: Making soy lattes in my sunny (and hot) kitchen

:: Wearing turquoise sandals

:: Walking down to The Mural to see Brite Futures perform

:: Olympic Sculpture Park at sunset

:: Conversations on the beach in the dark

:: Sunbathing in the grass reading Blame

:: Miss Else swimming with Mount Rainier in the distance

:: Walking down to The Mural again, to see Lonely Forest sing

:: Driving on gravel roads to camp near the Taylor River

:: A dusk walk through the woods

:: Watching the stars and satellites

:: Sleeping in the back of a pick-up truck

:: Camp stove espresso

:: Bringing in my first fish

:: Catching up over an afternoon IPA in the air conditioning at Hopvine

I am feeling like a pretty lucky girl today. Happy to be in standing in my shoes, enjoying summer. When the rains come and rain boots replace sandals, I will remember this weekend.

Last night I satisfied something my taste buds had been asking for: salmon. I made a smoked salmon bisque and it was incredible. The soup required actual work: chopping, sauteing, simmering. It felt so good to cook. I blended the heck out of it, but the flavors were so different from everything I have tried in recent weeks that it made me happy. 

[ Recipe Notes: I used dried dill rather than fresh (no fresh dill at Madison Market?). And the recipe calls for 32 ounces of clam juice, but clam juice was sold in 8 ounce bottles - four bottles seemed like so many! So, I used 24 ounces of clam juice and 8 ounces of water. And I used shallots in place of the yellow onion. Also, there was a day when I would have left the mushrooms out of a recipe like this, but no more. Mushrooms included. I'm such an adult. ]

This afternoon I had a co-worker tell me he had a high school friend whose jaw was wired shut for six months. Oh, man. Seriously? I know that people have to change their diets all the time - more permanently than I - and it seems so difficult. Food has an amazing control over me. And I cannot wait to get back to normal.

I spend a solid portion of my time thinking about food. I think I definitely miss breakfast more than anything. Luckily, eggs will be a part of my soft food recovery (beginning in ten days!). Also near the top of my wish-I-could-eat list are sandwiches. But, at some point during the last three weeks the foods I have craved have run the gamete. You name it, I've craved it.

And, yes. I am posting a list of food. Maybe if I get it onto the screen, it will get out of my head.

:: Eggs benedict

:: Chicken tacos from Malena's

:: Pizza

:: Roasted garlic dip from Whole Foods and a baguette

:: Egg salad sandwich

:: Spinach salad with all the fixings

:: Chips and guacamole

:: Cheetos (not the real ones but the baked Whole Foods version)

:: Pad Thai

:: Corn on the cob

:: Sweet potato fries

:: Hot turkey pesto from Old Town

:: Huevos rancheros

:: Rice with black beans and avocado

:: Raspberries

:: Turkey grinder from Hopvine

:: Homemade chocolate chip cookies

:: Popcorn

 

Weekend highlights.

:: Sitting in the beer garden (drinking out of not-plastic steel cups), watching the Fruit Bats perform with Mount Hood peaking out from the clouds in the distance.

:: Walking on trails lit with solar-powered Christmas lights, through the woods, and suddenly people standing, dancing watching Langhorne Slim performing in the most amazing place ever.

:: Smelling so much festival food. But, not just festival food, Portland festival food.

:: Sitting on a blanket on the floor of a barn watching Frazey Ford.

:: Hoola-hooping.

:: Wearing new sandals with shorts, knowing it was raining in Seattle.

:: Chalking up rookie-mistakes and planning for next year’s festival.

[ Mrs. G's post and pictures here. ]

Book of poems that matched a perfect place in my head (heart).

Banana + blueberry + dandelion leaves + spinach + peanut butter smoothie.

Visit from Miss E.

Email from Papa: "Scars are tattoos with better stories"... A t-shirt seen on an ocean front cafe in South Carolina.

Raindrops.

Pickathon mix tape.

I'm exhausted. I should be sleeping in preparation for the long day ahead tomorrow - Pickathon!

But. I just saw The Head and the Heart at the Columbia City Theater and I just have to say. I just have to say, holy smokes.

I just have to say, sometimes I really love Seattle.

Just when I think I have myself fully considering a move back to the Midwest (another post for another day), Seattle sweeps me off my feet.

I think I have found my musical genre. The Head and the Heart and Hey Marseilles (you may recall, I saw them in June) are definitely my Summer Twenty-Ten bands. I am not sure what the actual term for these bands is, but it is kind of singer-songwriter with a lot of coffee and some friends. Oh. Man.

AND, they are both local bands. 

The show tonight was perfect. You know a perfect show when as soon as you get home, you listen to the band's album (which, by this point, I know by heart). The sound at the newly renovated Columbia City Theater was great (as they start to bring in more bands, this might just rival The Tractor for best venue). The band was on it - having fun putting on a show. With their parents in the audience.

Nights like tonight are why I love live shows. I could tell that my insides were happy. Experiencing music and being a part of something. It has been a while since I have gone to a show by myself, but this reminded me of why I just love the experience: regardless of everything else in life, being at a live show just puts you in the moment.

Sigh.

I should be able to catch The Head and The Heart at least once more this month. And I am already looking forward to Hey Marseilles playing at the Columbia City Theater in October(!).

Seattle bands playing in Seattle venues. Holy smokes.

[ Oooh! And, I was told by Dr. J today that my wires will come off in two weeks. Whew. ]

' All those things that weren't supposed to happen, they happened. What happens next is up to you. '

- Hank Moody, Californication

[ It has been a while since I have copped out with the words of someone else. And a new low: quoting a Showtime drama. I'm a sucker for that romantic Hank. ]

This morning, disappointed to be missing Pickathon in Portland this weekend, I opened (or, um, clicked on) my calender and realized there are a gazillion great shows to look forward to this month.

A rundown.

August 6 :: The Head and the Heart (opening for Kay Kay and His Weather Underground) at the Columbia City Theater

August 13 :: The Brite Futures at the KEXP Mural

August 16 :: Freelance Whales (opening for Tokyo Police Club) at Neumo's

August 19 :: Hey Marseilles at Saint Edwards State Park

August 21 :: The No Depression Festival at Marymoor

August 27 :: The Head and the Heart (opening for Mount Saint Helen's Vietnam Band) at the KEXP Mural

August 28 :: The Head and the Heart (opening for Grand Hallways) at the Tractor Tavern. (Yes, three times in one month. Seriously. Good stuff here.)

August 29 :: Vampire Weekend and Beach House at Marymoor

And then. September already includes The National(!), Scissor Sisters, Cloud Cult, and Local Natives.

[ Probably won't make it to ALL of these, but at least there are plenty from which to choose! ]

Three cheers for live music.

This one's for Cousin E.

We are both reading Michael Cunningham's The Hours (and both happen to have the cheesy movie cover edition). I interrupted her current read with an offer for a long-distance book club. We were definitely meant to have book club together. Fun, right? Except, I am not sure any description of The Hours has included the word Fun. 

A couple of quotes.

' It's the city's crush and heave that move you; its intricacy; its endless life. ' 

' Still, she loves the world for being rude and indestructible, and she knows other people must love it too, poor as well as rich, though no one speaks specifically of the reasons. Why else do we struggle to go on living, no matter how compromised, no matter how harmed? '

' In another world, she might have spent her whole life reading. ' 

' She wonders, while she pushes a cart through the supermarket or has her hair done, if the other women aren't all thinking, to some degree or other, the same thing: Here is the brilliant spirit, the woman of sorrows, the woman of transcendent joys, who would rather be elsewhere, who has consented to perform simple and essential foolish tasks, to examine tomatoes, to sit under the hair dryer, because it is her art and her duty. '

' It seems possible (it does not seem impossible) that she's slipped across an invisible line, the line that has always separated her from what she would prefer to feel, who she would prefer to be. It does not seem impossible that she has undergone a subtle but profound transformation, here in this kitchen, at this most ordinary of moments: She has caught up with herself. ' 

So far, despite its direness (I had no idea this was an actual word but turns out, it is), I am loving it. Looking forward to the email exchanges and virtual discussions that will shortly follow.

[ I just finished Audrey Niffenegger's Her Fearful Symmetry, which I know Cousin E also recently finished. I read it in three days and I'm still trying to digest it fully. I have an overwhelming desire to visit a cemetery, but just cannot decide how to feel about the story. I have a horrible habit of reading the last page of a book before I begin. And this is one case where I wish I had not done that. But, I would definitely recommend it. ]

One.

This morning after brushing my teeth, I could not get the water to stop dripping. In an effort to do so, I turned the handle so far that it went all the way around and water began flowing uncontrolled from the faucet.

And last Wednesday, the door handle pulled off of my front door making it impossible to close from the outside.

And Friday, I woke to discover a flat tire on my car.

And yes, my jaw is still broken.

Keep 'em coming.  

Two.

As things were tending to fall apart, I was trying out a couple new recipes. Cold Avocado Soup and Curried Zucchini Soup. Both pretty good. The texture of the avocado soup was a little off, but it is likely because I had to blend it to oblivion in order to be able to drink it.

Last night I made an easy cold black bean soup (could also be easily called a black bean smoothie). A lot of things (ie spices or herbs) could be added, but I was lazy. I do have to say, the goat cheese tasted amazing.

Half a can of black beans

Half cup of vegetable broth

1 tablespoon goat cheese

Blend.

Three.

This recording of John Prine at the Newport Folk Festival last weekend is making my morning. The line-up was so amazing. I'd love to make it out there for this some year!

Today I am really missing my brunch routine.

And Miss Else.

I am definitely whining. But, I am also trying.

I made my Sunday trip to Madison Market (for bananas, uninteresting to say the least) and treated myself to an iced soy latte. I picked up the NY Times. Went to the farmer's market and bought myself smoothie goodies and a bouquet of flowers. A even stopped by to chat.

But, still. 

The low clouds, four walls, and wires in my mouth are making me feel a bit trapped. And I am failing miserably at the Sunday crossword puzzle. I am sure there will be days like this once in a while (let's be honest here, days like this occur regardless of chewing ability), but I am also sure they will pass.

For now, ugh. Give me some eggs benedict, please.